so i have a comic on the drawing boards... but im a little too lazy to try to fix my scanner at the moment so i will entertain you with some stories of things i have fucked up in the field
never tell an older woman that you are
"going to clean all of the shit out of your leg, cuz people like, puke and piss all over this fucking trail..."
in my professional opinion if your ambulance has a stereo system you need a "bolance song" something to pump you up, get you ready to yank somone out of the depths of hell and back to the realm of the living...
but personal experience says that the song "save yourself" by stabbing westward really isnt the song that you want playing when you roll up on scene... it kind of freaks out the patients a little bit... especally if you forget to turn it off before you load the patient...
(my new song is "heartbeat" by don johnson)
when talking to family members NEVER refer to a patient as a "piece of meat"
always check for a pulse before "calling" a patient (watched a paramedic call our patient in as dead as i recorded a brachial pulse)
if a whiney stupid ugly bitch wrongfully accuses you of breaking the law... no matter how whiney, stupid, ugly, or wrong she is... DO NOT call her a whiny stupid ugly bitch who needs to go back to CPR101.... her husband is a cop
always make sure the top of your ambulance clears the bay doors when backing... you might clip off a floodlamp
never tell your patient "excuse me ma'am can you please move out of the way and make room for our wheelchair, we have a medical emergency to respond to up the trail"
when doing your clinical rotation in the hospital, the words "golden shower" must not come out of your mouth when your preceptor spills urine on himself... you will be cleaning beds...
